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I didn't want this week to come, and now I don't want it to end. It will be the last time I see my brother before he leaves for Iraq. He is an Army Combat Engineer and will be leaving from Hawaii in December. Originally, he wasn't scheduled for deployment for another year, but the jerk didn't want to wait. In one way, I am proud of him for doing what he believes in, but another part of me is ROYALLY TICKED at him. And now, I want to be angry with him, and tell him off and scream at him. I love him so much, and I don't think he knows that I just can't lose him... How dare he leave me here alone? I already have one brother with a terminal brain tumor, and he insists on going to war?!?! If I could willingly force myself to hurt him at all, this would be the time. However, I have never been able to, and I still can't now.
Despite my anger, I don't want this time together to be wasted. I want to soak in every second and then hold on tight. I want him to know that I love him no matter what, and I want him to have confidence in his decision.
Anyway, that's a bit of what has been on my mind and my heart lately. As jumbled as it all feels to me right now, I don't know if it is making any sense.
Dear God, please give me the courage to see my brother this week, and to enjoy the time that you have given us together!
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About Me
- Kara
- Under Construction
8 comments:
Hey Kara, I know we have talked about this a little before, but show him your love. Yeah, your pissed as hell at him (and I can't say I blame ya), but you can't change anything by being angry at him. Just let him know you will miss him like hell, which i am sure you are going to do anyways. And let him know you are proud of him, that will probably mean more to him than just about anything else in the world.
You and family are in my prayers.
Kara, hon, ya got my prayers. Your bro is making his own choices, and, as long as he realizes the priority for him is not being John Wayne but making it back home, he'll be okay.
And you're making pretty good sense to me. This is always a tough thing. Hang in there!
J.
Happy Birthday Kara!!!!
-Amanda
Eric and Jason~
You both Rock! I didn't respond quickly, but know that the notes of encouragement that you both gave were just what I needed! Thanks so much!
Amanda~
Thanks for the birthday note! I am not sure how I feel about being a quarter of a century!!! I'm officially old!
Oh yah, and where have you been?!?! I miss you! I am pretty sure other people miss you too;) Hopefully my sched will free up shortly....we'll need to hang! Lata Gata<><
He has a passion for what he does. You may never understand it but you will always be proud of him. Remember he loves you more than he will ever tell you as all brothers do and he will think about you everyday. Keep him close in your heart and he will know you are there.
Sometimes you can't protect him like you want to!
Kara,
Where have you gone?
I miss you come back to the blogging world.
hope everything is ok
-amanda
Hey...Happy Thanksgiving, chica!!!
J.
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